I have connected, however, with one of Ty's older siblings and our relationship has really begun to blossom over the past several months. Last week I received a note that touched me so deeply, on multiple levels, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it:
Those words are humbling to read. I am thankful to be viewed so favorably, but the last few lines are throat cloggers. And ~sigh~ I'll admit it. I'm glad you're my brother's mother...Those are words of a struggling sibling still coming to terms with adoption.
It breaks my heart. Ben and I have said so many times that when we adopted Ty, we adopted a family. Not for the purposes of rescuing them or being some semblance of hero, but because they're a part of him and his story and his life. Reading this letter, challenged me to do more and love harder.
While all that has been mulling around in my head, I received disheartening news about another one of Ty's siblings. As a matter-of-fact, the news was so startling I came right home and snuggled Ty as close as I could for as long as he'd let me.
My sweet, tender boy, said, "Mama sad?"
"Yes, sweetheart, Mama is sad."
"Mama need more snuggles?"
I could hardly speak at that point and told Ty how thankful I was to be a family.
The above pieces to my week made me realize how truly connected we are with Ty's family and that no matter what the cost, we have a responsibility to love on these kids at every opportunity.
At two, Ty doesn't really get it. When I told him we were going to pray for his brother tonight, he responded with, "No, mama, Ty needs baby sister." (He insists that Jesus wants him to have a baby sister). I didn't press the issue and decided at this point it might just be better to stick with sibling names and drop the "brother/sister" part.
Just when I think I've got this open adoption thing down, God speaks to me and gives me further glimpses of his Truth. His reminders are so gentle, but convicting at the same time. The last several months have been very me-focused, as my attention was narrowed on finishing my degree. Now that it's done, I'm opening my heart again and praying for God to give me clarity of vision.
I don't know why God chose us for this...but I'm certain that he did. My hands are open, my feet are walking, and my heart is ready to love.