Monday, January 25, 2010

I heart open adoption.

Rebekah (our birth mother, if you're just tuning in) and I (also Rebekah) are both back to work and have full schedules right now. Gone are the days of talking weekly, blogging regularly, and sharing pictures and videos back and forth, often. We do the best we can, but it seems that weeks go by before we have a block of time to call and catch up.

I headed to bed early last night, in hopes to gear up for this coming week of work, but I was missing Rebekah and decided to call her instead. The time difference makes it difficult and although I set out to only talk an hour, we chatted well past two.

Friends come in a variety. Some are needy, some are high-maintenance, some walk in and out over time, some are there everyday/through every mundane detail, and some are glued to your heart, unfettered by time or distance. Rebekah is the latter. It doesn't matter how much time passes, we always pick up right where we left off, sharing about work and kids and life.

It will never get old.

She is my son's mother. I've said it before; there is something so unique that happens when two mothers love one son. We're able to laugh and cry and enjoy Ty together as he experiences all his firsts. It's as natural as life. It's not weird or awkward or strained. I don't have to hold back my true feelings in fear of hers and there's a mutual respect in what we've done for each other. I know everyone doesn't get this. I know it looks too good to be true. I've had haters write subsequent posts about me and our relationship and they question the authenticity. It doesn't bother me. I know what we have - what we are experiencing - and it's only made possible through God's grace.

Last night, we laughed over Ty's tendency to throw premature temper tantrums and agreed on the importance of reading to him. We gushed over his cuteness and were thankful for the closeness he shares with his daddy. We talked about his early rising pattern, which Rebekah admitted was a trend in her other kids. To that I jokingly exclaimed, "So, you're responsible for this!?"

Like all moms, we think he's the smartest, cutest, most advanced baby of his time and think he has the perfect blend of biology and family.

The three of us are flying out to reunite with Rebekah and her family, this April. I was so excited last night, I had a hard time falling asleep. The Bible talks about talents and the importance of using and sharing them versus burying them away to be hidden forever. That's sort of how we (Ben and I) view Tyrus. Apart from Christ, he is the greatest treasure we've been given. We don't want to keep him close to home in fear of what may happen. We want to share him and expose him to the world. We want him to be bonded with his first family and are joy-filled that he has the opportunity to know them. We can't wait for our trip and to show everyone how much he's grown!

Because there are so many instances in which God seems absent or his presence hard to find, it's important to make a raucous when we can undeniably see his hand of goodness. When I look at the revolution that has taken place in my heart, the connections that God made to bring us our son, the relationship we have with Rebekah and her kids and extended family, and the ever present smiles on that crazy-haired little boy of mine, I say - GOD, YOU ARE GOOD.

And I say it rather loud.


  1. This is beautiful! I'm going to post a link on my blog for all my friends who just don't get it! You've said it far better than I ever could!

  2. That was a very sweet post. I love that you two have a great relationship and little Ty won't go through life not knowing how important he was to his Birth Mom.

  3. I'm so glad that you two got to catch up. S's birthmother and I haven't talked in a while, I hope we can catch up soon too. It's reassuring to hear another mommy that has a wonderful open adoption too, no one else understands that it's okay to keep in touch and to love our child's birthfamily. So thank you for sharing your story here :) God is so good!

  4. God is good. He has done so much more than we could have hoped or imagined.

  5. I loved this post. Wow. What a testament to open adoption. If only they could all be so smooth.

  6. From a fellow lover of open adoptions....thank you for the beautiful post!

  7. Mmhm. He. IS. Good. And just go on neverminding the haters. You know what God did. You don't need to explain it or justify it. Blessings!

  8. "...there is something so unique that happens when two mothers love one son."

    Beautiful! I love this post! I want this for myself!

  9. I absolutly love your post today. I love how you explain friends. I actually had to copy and paste it. I love the relationship that you guys share with Ty's mom. I think it is healthy for him. I think you are a VERY smart and intelligent person. I think you are an awesome woman and MOM.
    Thanks SO much for sharing with us!
    Renia (Michigan)

  10. My heart did a little dance when I read this news earlier! I know it will mean so much for all of you to be able to have a much longed for reunion.

    Yours is a beautiful story time and time again and I love being able to hear about the ups and downs as you experience them!



  11. God is so good. I am glad you have such a good relationship with the other Rebekah.

  12. I think you both are AWESOME!!! Ty is so blessed!! Who cares what the haters think....they are just hater!!! The world needs more loving people like all the people involved in Ty's life. Prayers! Mollie (Ohio)

  13. So many times I wonder how can you have such a close relationship with Rebekah, Ty's birth mother and I just admire you for it. I know that God certainly arranged this. Not everyone can do takes a very special family. I am glad God chose you.

  14. Thanks, Indy. I wonder the same thing sometimes, and like you, give God the credit.

    I am very glad he chose me.

  15. Hi Rebekah!

    I am so excited to have found yours and Rebekah's blogs! Your relationship with Rebekah sounds (or should I say, reads!) alot like the relationship I have with De (adoptive mom to my daughter Deanna.) I couldn't have said it better myself, the way you describe sharing your son with his first family. I think Deanna's adoptive family shares your same view about this, and that's why our relationship is so awesome. We all love Deanna so much, and that has just brought us closer together. Almost five years after our adoption, we're like family now. It gets better every day.

    I'm so overjoyed to see another positive open adoption story that has worked in real life. Yes, it can work! And it does! Thank you for sharing.

    Amy :)

  16. Oh, goodness. I love this. You give such good insight to what open adoption is like for you. Thank you!
    I know this is an older post of yours (I just stumbled upon your blog), but would you be willing to let us feature this post on "We Are Grafted In" ( We seek to give God the glory by encouraging adoptive parents and those interested in orphan care. I would just need a brief bio and a pic to use when it is reposted.
    Let me know!
    co-administrator of WAGI
    smurphy 28 AT juno DOT com