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At least a dozen times, today, we looked at each other and said some variation of "What were we thinking?"
Two kids at once? Four littles?
Not easy.
I just want to cry. But there's no time.
I am typing this from my phone as Little congested Miss sleeps for the first time for longer than twenty minutes. I don't dare move.
I want the day over so that we can say we survived our first full day...but I don't want it to end because I have to do it all by myself tomorrow. And visit with their caseworker.
Sweet Boy had a hard night. Little Miss' was even worse. Thankfully, the boys have been playing really well together. The only major issue that we've noticed, so far, (other than pure exhaustion) is that LJ and Sweet Boy have become very territorial.
Sweet Boy called me "Mommy" for the first time at lunch. As natural as it sounded coming from his mouth, it was, equally, as natural for LJ to look at him and say, "That's not your mom. She's my mom." Without question it was rude (and we addressed it), but something in me soared that LJ, undoubtedly, knows me as mom.
Later, LJ said, "I love our baby sister so much." And Sweet Boy was quick to correct his inference - "She's my baby sister, not yours."
We're trying to give everyone an extra dose of grace as we, very unnaturally, try to become a family. Through all of Little Miss' crying, I had to whisper from across the hall "goodnight". It pained my heart. Not for Sweet Boy, who I know is still so unsure...but for my boys. No cuddles, no extra reassurance that all of this change doesn't change my heart for them. It's too much to think about.
Praying for God to give me a special love in my heart for these kids who've turned my life upside down...
My dad did remind me, today, that the weeping only lasts for the night....joy will come in the morning. I'm holding on to such a beautiful promise. Though the weepy nights, may be countless...joy is on its way.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
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Praying for you and all in your home this night. Praying for better moments, for better days, for joy.
ReplyDeletePS. I love that you were able to appreciate LJ calling you mom in the midst of it all.
What you are giving your 2 boys by opening your home and heart is immeasurably more than it is taking from them. This is by no means a criticism because I would never have done what you and your sweet Ben are doing. I will also never receive the kind of blessing that your family is going to receive. My children will never know what it like to live with such faith and courage.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt there will be times when your physical body cannot get around and give all that you want to give. It's okay though. I believe you already know this.
You won't do this perfectly but as you continue on this journey God is going to do beautiful things. I think of the the verses in Isaiah 61…"to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that HE may be glorified."
….in every way this seems to apply to your family.
This all from another lover of Jesus.
Hang in there! God has brought you this far, and is still working. Praying for a smooth transition.
ReplyDeleteAndrew just started sleeping through the night and he's 5 months old...exhaustion will pass...God bless.
ReplyDeletefound your blog recently. Love that God has led you into adoption. You and your family's new transition has been on my heart so much recently. Praying that you feel the presence of God throughout the nights and the mornings and all the hours in between. :)
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog for sometime now. I have to say your family is so inspiring and you and your Husband are so strong! I was thrilled when I read you would be adding 2 more little ones. I will pray for your family. I look forward to reading the adventures to come! God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI think of you often even though we are complete strangers. I'm amazed at what you've done so far as a family. Your faith will see you through this as well!
ReplyDeleteRebekah,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading for years but rarely comment (and you sweetly emailed me years ago about trusting God in the waiting. And guess what? I met my husband! :) just want you to know I'm praying for you and your family today! His power is made perfect in your weakness
Wow Rebekah, praying for you! Grace that feels a little like morphine for all of you!
ReplyDeleteRebekah- I believe with all of my heart that God wants SB and LM in your family forever! I am praying for you all!! Hugs from Tracy
ReplyDeleteThe first 2-4 weeks of having new littles in the home have always seemed the hardest. Life seems like a blur (especially when there is more than one new little). I look back and wonder how I survived and what a gracious God I serve...
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers and I am proud of you for handling HARD stuff. In regards to your recent post, we have gotten "congratulations" and "aren't you excited" when taking in foster kiddos and I try to sweetly respond when the emotional side of me wants to burst into tears and explain, how sad it is that the child has to come to us and what a broken and sin-filled situation it is. But after processing it all I choose to take it differently and accept the congratulations that I can be a part of something big and a part of a picture of God's love and His redemption story. Scary stuff to let God take you through, but yes, there is always "excitement" in one way or another (most of the time we call it chaos though).
Well, my dear friend (whom I've never met), God is at work and to me, that is definitely exciting to observe, but I can also sympathize with the fear and sadness. My heart and emotions go out to you and all the kiddos in your home as you attempt to help everyone "settle" into their places.
Much love,
"Mrs. T."
notofourhands.blogspot.com
Praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteYes. Yes. And yes. I have lived this. It gets easier. It really does.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, sweet sister. Congested infants are never fun, even if it's the only kid in the house.Call on my any time, for respite, for a shoulder to cry on, for house cleaning, laundry, dinner service - call on me. Love you.
ReplyDeletePraying this transition becomes smoother and easier.
ReplyDelete