Sunday, April 8, 2012

Trying Times

Our life is crazy, right now.

The boys looked so handsome in their Easter wear, today, but the constant energy required to keep up with two two year olds, left me not caring whether or not we snapped a family picture. I regret it now...

We sat at the table for a plated family dinner, but before I could take a bite both boys, uncharacteristically, spilled their the same time. They screamed as milk poured down my tablecloth, into their food, and onto their laps. I laughed because, really, I just wanted to cry, too.

Some days are better than others. We have seen remarkable progress in LJ, already, but it doesn't make this time any less exhausting. 

LJ's incessant crying has lessened, but his attitude has not. He thinks he's king of the castle and consistently responds to our instructions with "I don't WANT to do that," or "No, I WON'T do that," or (my personal favorite) "Put me down, right now!"

And Bravo isn't the only one giving us grief. Alpha has found that if he mimics the new guy's behavior, he gets just as much attention - albeit negative.

On top of the two years of undoing and emotional turmoil, we're also dealing with normal sibling stuff - fighting, tattling, instigating, etc.

It's exhausting.

God has given Ben and me a tremendous amount of patience to keep up the bad cop/bad cop routine. We are strong, united, and consistent. We take turns tagging in and out and have managed to keep our humor. Speaking in army code helps.

At one point, this weekend, while the kids were playing in the backyard, Ben said, "I have an idea. Why don't we run in and shut the door. Whichever one of them comes in alive, we'll keep."

It is completely God's grace that keeps us going.

The most difficult part, right now, is watching Ty struggle. LJ is struggling too...but he still feels like someone else's kid. Watching Ty pull away as LJ comes close is difficult. Knowing that his misbehavior is only a result of the upheaval we've introduced is weighty.  Twice, this weekend, Ty had the opportunity to play at the park and instead he chose to cuddle on the bench with me, nestling his head into my neck, as LJ played.

It breaks my heart.

I KNOW that we are all being stretched in really good ways and that a year from now we will look back and wonder how we ever lived without LJ, but right now, in the midst, it's really tough to hold on and watch your first born work it out.

We are doing what we can to give individual time to each boy, but it never feels like enough.

I just keep entrusting them back to my heavenly Father. It's all I can do. We had such a sweet time of worship, tonight, with the boys before bed. Ben started bringing his guitar into the boys' room. We all pile into one bed and sing praise and worship.

Both boys were all smiles, tonight, when we sang "Deep and Wide" with coordinating hand motions. Mommy was all tears when we broke into Amazing Grace. I held Ty's hand and listened to LJ hum.

My heart is full. Even in this trying time, God's goodness is like a sun-shining day. It just pours through the windows of my soul, illuminating the incredible plan laid out for my family.

Don't you just love how you can feel torn to bits, but in an instance, God brings warmth and healing and tape. He puts your bits back together, calls you beloved, and paints a new tomorrow.

What a beautiful, beautiful God.


  1. I can only imagine how crazy life is right now. I hope things smooth out soon for you. It must be sad to see Ty struggle thru this transition.

  2. Hang in there, sweet friend. Keep seeing the rainbows in the storms. You have been trusted with a special soul. I like your theory of stretching and, I smile too when I think of your family's growth as time goes on.

  3. Glad you posted an update. I was wondering how things were going.

    One thing that I thought of was that had you given BIRTH to LJ you would STILL be having issues with Ty. Adding a sibling to a family causes upheaval no matter how you get that second kid/baby. That's just part of adding to your family.....

    Stay strong and know that people are praying for you all!

  4. I know exactly how you feel - I felt the same way when Addy was born - torn, guilty, overwhelmed, exhausted, and blessed beyond belief. I think many moms feel this when adding a second child, no matter how they add them. Try to remember that SOME of this might just be the normal family growing experience. Oh, and there have been SO many times when pictures weren't snapped - because I just could not gather the energy to care about it in the moment. Now, I force them - between meals, diapers and meltdowns. We did today. If you see the pics on my facebook, you'll see that they weren't the best ones, lol. But, just getting pictures is a success these days. Hang in there!

  5. Rebekah, If there is any way I can be of support to you, just let me know. I have been through these very things... You may or may not know that my oldest son (who is 5 now) came to us at age three through foster care. The first six months with him were the MOST trying time I have ever experienced. He would break OFTEN into rages, which included kicking, hitting, biting us and screaming. We understood the WHY of it, but it did not make it at all easier to go through. We still work with our five year old, but 90% of what we work on is now age appropriate and his rages are almost non-existent. I have truly been there and done that and I know personally just how hard it is. The biggest thing is that you and Ben are remaining consistent with each other...It is truly a huge part of the formula for breakthrough....when they know both parents have same response and same answer. You are doing great! Please feel free to reach out to me for support.

  6. Patience and strength. Through God. God is good. You will all come through this just fine. Give it time. I agree with the comments, it doesn't matter how LJ came to you, an addition to the family has it's ups and downs and it will all balance out. Hang in there!

  7. Even though you know that the transitioning is temporary it doesn't make it any easier to live it 24/7. Please know we have your back and are praying for both your little men and for you and Ben.

    Keep on keeping on mama, you got this!

    Praying from Waterford,
    Kim M

  8. very good post Rebekah! Love it!


  9. I agree with Krystal and Faith - you will have problems any time you add a kid. My oldest was toilet-trained when the second one came along, and she reverted back to diapers. Oh, and the terrible twos came on hard and fast (and she wasn't two yet). Yes, you have some work to do with LJ, but you are doing a great job, and you know Who to call on when you think you can't take any more. I love you sister!

  10. I agree with Krystal and Faith - you will have problems any time you add a kid. My oldest was toilet-trained when the second one came along, and she reverted back to diapers. Oh, and the terrible twos came on hard and fast (and she wasn't two yet). Yes, you have some work to do with LJ, but you are doing a great job, and you know Who to call on when you think you can't take any more. I love you sister!

  11. Oh hun... It gets better and better. The ages alone make a momma crazy. You are doing so well. Prayerful support from my area of the midwest!

  12. Your "run in and shut the door, who ever makes it in...we keep" made me laugh out loud! My husband and I had that same conversation once. We had 3 littles under 5. They are 17, 18 and 21 now and sometimes we still want to hide... Keep trusting in God. He knows what he is doing even if we question why at times.

  13. Congratulations on your new addition, you're such a great mom! If I could give you a word of advice as a foster/adoptive mom...we adopted our youngest three through the foster care system and the older two had definite behavioral problems due to drugs during pregnancy and neglect/abuse. We found an amazing, Christian child phychologist and she has helped us tremendously. She helps not only with understanding the kids and their struggles along with ways to help them, but she gives us confidence and reassurance that we CAN do it, even on the hardest days. We have found our sessions to be so empowering. Best wishes during this time of transition!

  14. God brings tape. I love it. What would I do without that?

  15. i absolutely LOVE that you called ty your 'firstborn'. only God!