Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Happy Birthday Ben!

Tomorrow is my Ben's birthday. And I must throw him some love!

I wish I could say, "Behind every great mother there is a great father..." Sadly, I know that's not always true. But for little Ty and me it absolutely is! I wouldn't be/couldn't be ME without him.

Infertility either rips apart your marriage or glues you together. There's not much room between the highs and lows of emotion for anything in the middle. For us, the heartache of not being able to conceive, wove our hearts together in such an intricate, intimate way. This deep, inner knowing blossomed and Ben always knew when to squeeze my hand or settle my heart. Sometimes we'd cry together, sometimes we'd sit in silence. Sometimes we'd take our anger out on each other, sometimes we'd gang up and take it out on someone else. Right. Wrong. Indifferent. We were always united....and we survived. We survived the barren beast and lived to see brighter days.

Today, there's a different knowing behind his eyes. When he looks at me and words are absent, I know. I know just what he means. We've come so far...

I recently had a conversation with a friend about marriage - except the marriage she described was foreign to me. It's not the marriage I know. My Ben is sacrificial...and sensitive...and serving. He heirs from a long line of family-men that give all and take little.

When it comes to possessions, Ben never complains. He wears the same two pairs of shoes until they fall apart and then he buys a new pair. His phone is the cheapest, oldest, most basic phone you've ever seen and doesn't have a camera or internet (gasp!). Every few years he buys me a new laptop and continues to use the old one. When it's time for a new vehicle, Ben wants me to drive it. When we both decided it was time to go back to school, he let me go, first.

He gives - gives - gives and the beauty of it, is that he does it without thought.

I love his passion. His passion for life, for me, for Ty.

Everything Ben does, he does well.

Whether he's packing the diaper bag or submitting a project at work, he gives each task his undivided attention and doesn't settle for less than excellent and he's the greatest rule-follower you'll ever meet (drives me batty), marking the integrity of his character.

Ben is funny and sweet and charming. His love for ducks and squirrels endearing, his generosity to the lowly humbling. He puts our marriage before Ty and loves both of us more than he loves himself.

I am so thankful for this man that God created just for me. I pray Ty grows up to be just like him.

Happy Birthday, Ben! May your next thirty years be full of joy and family and geeky board games.

21 comments:

  1. No hallmsrk card could be better... happy bithday to your Ben!

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  2. I am so grateful to know that marriage can and does survive infertility. My husband and I are stronger than ever and I owe a lot of that to this journey of not being about to conceive.

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  3. Happy Birthday Ben!!! I hope you have a happy and blessed day tomorrow.

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  4. Happy Birthday to your husband! What a great man for you and your son!

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  5. Happy birthday to your husband. What a beautiful letter. You sound truly blessed to have him in your life, and I'm sure he would say the same thing about you. :-D

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  6. So precious!!! I just came across your blog somehow, and now I'm following you :) Just want to connect with other moms. I recently started a new blog hoping to gather information and advice from moms like yourself. Here's the blog address incase you ever want to drop by :)
    www.balancedmoms.blogspot.com
    Managing Life As a Mom

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  7. :) I only hope that theres a duplicate of Ben out there somewhere for me :)

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  8. This is very touching, Rebekah. It makes me REALLY wish we lived closer so we could all play geeky board games together!

    Happy Birthday, Ben!

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  9. Your husband sounds exactly like mine; I know what an amazing blessing it is :) Happy Birthday, Ben!

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  10. That is so sweet...Happy Birthday, Ben!

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  11. Happy Birthday Ben!!

    Rebekah - in a society where husband-bashing is seen as a valid way among women to pass the time, I applaud this post. What an amazing man your husband is, and how blessed he is that his wife loves and respects him so much. You are so right about marriage and infertility. I love to hear that other marriages are strengthened by this!

    Enjoy your husband's special day!

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  12. Ty looks so incredibly small in Bens big daddy arms. You described every much of the man I wanted to be Ty's daddy. You and Ben and Ty pull my heart strings. Wonderful post Rebekah!!!!!!

    Rebekah

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  13. happy birthday, ben! this was a beautiful tribute, rebekah! i hope your lovely family has a perfect day celebrating!

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  14. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN!!!! Have a GREAT day.

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  15. my ben turned 30 this year too! can you believe how quickly life is going? :)

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  16. I agree that Ben is pretty special, but I know there is no one out there exactly like him. He is unuique in all the world. Hope it was happy, Ben

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  17. This is a beautiful post. I read it out loud to my husband. He is struggling a bit with this adoption journey, and while I have NO doubt he'll be a wonderful father, he's not as convinced. He was really touched by your post as well.

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  18. Happy Birthday to an AMAZING father!

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  19. Oh, and an AMAZING husband, I can't forget that!

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  20. Happy belated birthday, Ben...you rock!!

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