Saturday, March 24, 2012

Mama said there'd be days like this.

Okay they're napping. Deep breath.

Our case worker came to the house, this morning, for a supervised visit. The boys were playing with blocks on the floor. We told her about our night and the great morning. Ty was up at seven, but LJ slept until well after eight. We ate breakfast, watched cartoons, brushed teeth, made beds, got dressed - all without hiccup. We discussed the recognized challenges and our thoughts on overcoming them.

All was going fine until  LJ started crying. No real reason. He just sat and cried. I tried to soothe him and divert his attention, while Ty asked what was wrong. I explained how difficult it was going to be for LJ to get used to another new family. Ty rubbed LJ's back and told him it was going to be okay. When he went in to give him a hug, LJ got up and pushed him to the ground. Ty's face met his favorite dumptruck.

Ty stood up and looked at me with no words, just screaming from shock and pain. I pushed LJ out of my lap and over to Ben, and gathered Ty in my arms, telling him how much I loved him and that LJ didn't mean to hurt him. As Ty sobbed, "Wh--y  d-id  h-e  do--that  m---om...?" I realized the case worker was still in the room with us, waiting to see what we'd do.

I took Ty to his room to get Little Cow and asked him to get Baby Bear for LJ. He sniffled, but was compliant. I told him to give Baby Bear to LJ and to let him know that pushing isn't kind, but that he would forgive him. Ty did it.

Ben I swapped out and I took LJ into my lap as Ben talked with Ty. No amount of consoling would stop the tears from spilling over his cheeks. I was out of wisdom, so I just sat and held him with Baby Bear and let him cry...and drool.

When the cries were dampened, I looked at our case worker and simply said. It's just going to take time.

"Yes it is."

She left a few minutes later. Ty walked her to the door while LJ sat on the couch with his lip pouted and arms folded. I tried not to laugh.

Thankfully the boys were friends, again, by lunch and went right down for their naps.

I wasn't ruffled by the incident. There are so many more to come...I just wish I had planned better.

Mama needs some dark chocolate.


  1. God is right there with you. You will get it. There will be many more of these and as they come your wisdom will get you through it.

    Love the picture of Ty and LJ (twins)

  2. Sounds like he didn't like that social worker being there. Acting out when workers visit is something I read about kids doing all the time on blogs. He might have been confused by her visit.
    It will take time. Next time, I bet he'll let you comfort him better.
    So sorry for Ty, first glimpse of sibling wars is not fun for any child. Praying for the boys to continue to grow a very strong bond.

  3. I don't know that I would blame what happened based on the social worker being in the room. This process is another huge adjustment for this little boy, not to mention your whole family. LJ may be confused by the whole situation, and just acting as two year holds do when they are unable to express themselves. Ty may learn when to and not to offer hugs. You will all learn together.

  4. You are doing great, and although you did not feel prepared you saw to both boys distress. I know how the pulse goes up and the nerves kick in and you wonder, "Am I doing this right?" You are doing it right. You didn't just react, I can tell you remembered all the right things. Give your attention to the injured first, let the offender know its not okay, and foster peace-making between the siblings. It' like you've read a playbook. So because you won't say it to yourself... Great Job Momma!

  5. Im guessing that LJ was thinking the social worker was going to take him from your home. Poor little guy. Im sure he was confused. That has to be so hard for a 2 year old:(. Im sure the rst of the eveving will be better. Ty is so sweet!! I will be praying a special prayer for his sweet sensitive heart. LJ is so blessed to have such a special brother. Hang in there mommy:). Peace & Prayers!! Mollie ( Ohio)

  6. reading this was like four seasons in one day...., I was nervous for you, then I shed a tear for LJ, the I was heartbroken for little Ty and then I laughed out loud and your closing words....Mama need some dark chocolate. Thanks for sharing your journey

  7. You knew there would be times when the boys wouldn't get along, as there are times when we all just don't know how to act It looks like you handled it well and calmly, which you know is important. Your posts have been so beautiful and I'm enjoying reading your journey. Thanks for sharing all this with us...your blog has long been a favorite for your transparent faith and honesty. Love you!

  8. I'm so sorry. I will pray for grace for all of you during this exciting transition!

  9. As a social worker that works primarily with children in the foster care system this scenario is all too familiar! Social workers visiting the home led to various reactions from children, many times. If you were used to a social worker (who all to often is not a consistent one) coming to your home and moving you to a new "home" every so often, most of us would be distrustful and "disruptive" too. I once saw a quote from a kid in the system referring to attachment disorders that read - "they say I have an attachment disorder - really I have a life disorder and I attached accordingly". SO true! Stay strong for both boys - I LOVE how you handled this challenge with boy boys!

  10. Deep breaths. And... Welcome to sibling rivalry. :D ((hugs)) You will get to enjoy this phase for years.

    lol Feel comforted yet? *I'm smiling*

    Bless you guys, seriously, for what big hearts you have. I am so humbled by this. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  11. I cant imagine what LJ is going through. My 2 yr old (my third 2 yr old as I now have two older boys) is a mess often as he is just at a rough time developmentally so I can't imagine how hard it is to be two with so much instability. One day LJ won't remember his life before you at all and all he'll know is love and stability and peace. God bless you in the mean time.

  12. I really dont have any words....just happiness for you. He is so so precious!!

    Love you all


  13. There are always days like that with any two kids. At least things got better. You are all doing great.

  14. that last comment made me laugh....but Rebekah, I just wanted to thank you for not editing this part of the visit out of your blog... I wondered in my heart if you would write about these times or if you would keep them to yourself. I am grateful for your willingness to be so open and raw about the good and the bad. thank you.


  15. Poor little guys!!! I know that little LJ is coming from a different place but sibling rivalry happens whether blood-related or not. The perfect time for the first bout to happen, right?! They'll do just great and I am amazed how God is using your family as a testimony to others adopting, hoping to adopt, hoping to foster, etc. Keeping sharing these stories; makes me feel normal about my own kiddos' squabbles.