Day 74

Home Study Part 2 Complete

Our individual interviews are done! Only one more step until we're approved!! I still can't believe this is happening. My heart questions the smoothness of the process. Really, no hiccups? It's this 'easy'? [I use the term loosely] I'm fearful that clear paths = rocky futures. I'm praying, as I'm sure every adoptive mother does, Lord, let it be quick. I would rather have the "there's a baby at the hospital for you" call then "a mother's picked you, she's 3 months along" call. But... like everything else, I have no choice in the matter.

The interview was easy. Case worker (Jodi) asked about family (a LOT about family) and my view of Ben. My view of me. There was one question that blind-sighted me. After about an hour of family/upbringing/siblings talk, Jodi asked [real serious mind you], "Are you satisfied with the intimacy of your relationship?" A smile here to Timbuktu spread across my face. I know I was doing that goofy I-don't-want-to-be-laughing-at-this-but-
I-can't-help-it smile, but I couldn't erase it. I gave in to the lopsided grin and responded with a simple "you have no idea!" She smiled back, "I do. I can tell." Thank God we moved right along.

I ended our meeting by asking more questions without answers. That's the worst part. The unknown. I asked her to clarify our conversation in the last meeting about a Caucasian baby. Real subtle-like I said, "You lead me to believe that we would most likely not be chosen for a Caucasian baby." She answered with, "For sure. That won't happen. Your child will be bi-racial or African American." Right. You gotta love brutal honesty!

I wasn't asking for fear of cold feet. I love the idea of being a trans-racial family. I was asking from an economic stand point. We declared open to all races, which equates a $1200 fee. If we choose only bi-racial or African American then the fee is waived. My savvy shopper instinct kicked in as I put two and two together. "So, if we're not going to get a Caucasian child then why don't we choose the bi-racial, African American path and ditch the fee?"

"You can," was her answer. "If you choose the trans-racial program you actually only have to do a one page profile--a lot less information is needed. We try to make it as easy as possible to sway others into the program."

Excuse my bluntness [I did not say this to Jodi]. Are they just giving these kids away? Less fees, less information, less wait. What is wrong with this picture??? All I know is that I've been assured we'll get snatched within 6 months, opposed to the 2+ year wait for Caucasian infants. Crazy!

I'm not diving into the politics or semantics of the situation, tonight. I'm rejoicing that momhood is right around the bend.

[oh, and we decided to remain "open." We want to give God all options.]