Day 101

While we wait...

Because we won't have any news on the adoption front for a few weeks (until the home study is written and submitted by CW), I figured I would keep you up-to-speed on how I'm passing the time...

• First off, I'm a student so there's always homework to be done--or put off--depending on my mood [smile]. The first point of business, is to finish assembling our profiles. It was fun for about the first 5...then it quickly turned laborious. Turns out 300 pictures double glued (paper, then profile) is a LOT of work! I try to get a few done each night. We have 50 to assemble and I have about 15 done. However, all the pictures are cut, now, so it should go a little quicker!

• Next on the list...going green-er. I've tried to adopt "green" principles into our everyday living. I've started slow, but the small steps have already turned routine. So far we've changed all the lighting in the house, cut our trash in half by recycling, started a garden for organic produce, and use our own cloth bags for shopping. The next areas I want to tackle are baby products and health/beauty items. I'm easing into these areas because I don't want to spend a lot of extra money, but I do want to use more natural products that don't contain such harsh chemicals. My friend got me hooked on checking out the toxicity reports of all the products I use, at http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com/. Wouldn't you know my makeup was rated #8 (on as scale of 1-10)? I finally did some research and broke down and bought my first mineral makeup kit, from Bare Essentials (I am now at #3 for toxicity!).

The best part was that Target has all the Bare Essential Starter kits marked down this week from $50.00 to $35.00! We'll see how it goes! Once I get the makeup part down, I'd like to move on to baby products, including cloth diapers.

• Each night before I go to bed I read through a few pages of baby names...what a fun job! We have about 4 boy names that we love...but no girl names, yet...It's a fun process and a great way to pass the time...

• Next on the "to do" list? Lose 5 pounds. Yup. For those of you who don't know me, personally, for about 10 years of my life I weighed the exact same. After we got married I definitely started to look more curvy (I was only 20 when we got married!), but liked it. Last week was the last straw, however, when I had to go buy bigger jeans because none of mine fit anymore! I only bought two pair because I'm not quite ready to give in to the next size! I'm only 10 pounds up from my wedding weight, six years ago....I figure 5 pounds will put me back in all my clothes. Although I'd love a new wardrobe--I'm not loving the love handles that have begun to muffin-top over my pants! Ben has already been following a disciplined health plan, so it's easy to mooch off his research and follow along! Ben's lost 25 pounds since last summer and has managed to keep it off--even through the shoulder injury, downtime. We are simply counting calories and making sure our activity weighs out the calorie mark. I love structure and spreadsheets, so I'm pretty excited to start the count. I even bought a cute journal for recording my daily log! I'll let you know how it goes...
  

• After perusing the adoption selection at two different bookstores--Borders and Family Christian--I quickly went and bought this:

• I am shocked by the selection...truly. Family Christian had one (one!!!) book on fostering and no books on adoption. Unreal! I have already begun to create a series in my mind...and I think I'll also swing into the children's market. My sister was telling me the other day, how annoying it is that she can't find a book that represents their family (black man, white woman, bi-racial child). I want our babies to read books that embrace culture and ethnicity; I want them to read books that relate to their family situation. I know there are some books that can be ordered through the agency, but I want to do a whole series like the "GiGi, God's Little Princess" series. Why not? The President, at the College I work at, has written several books and I've begun to tap into his expertise...after I give this book a read, I'll hopefully have a better idea on where to start!
  

• Other items on the list include working on babyheart's quilt and merging all my blog posts into a digital scrapbook.

So far, the waiting has been good. I'm completely at peace and drinking in this last leg of the journey.

Day 99

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, this week. Now that we’re playing the waiting game, there’s not much else to do. I am super busy with school work and miscellaneous projects I have going on, but baby is never far from my mind. In the last few weeks our adoption path has really begun to sink in and with each passing day I get more and more excited. It’s not like looking in your closet after a fun shopping spree excitement…or even receiving an “A” on a 20 page research paper that took weeks of compiling, kind of excitement. No, this is like a colossal-size excitement that shakes the core of who I am and fills me with purpose and knowing. I feel privileged to be a part of something so huge—so beyond myself. Something that, if not by circumstance, I may not have given thought to.

Ben was writing to a long-time friend who also happens to be pursuing adoption, and forwarded me the correspondence. His words really pierced my heart as I thought about the magnitude of what we’re about to do. He wrote: “…our hearts tell us to adopt ALL the children. We truly wish that none would suffer or live life less fortunate. It's such a heavy thing to think about. You can't help them all. But you can help one. Or two. Or three....There seems to be plenty of people willing to wait 2 years on a list to get a packaged little white baby that looks just like them (which is fine), but meanwhile there are so many stories like the one you're in. If everyone who had their own kids, would take just one more… then we could really make a serious dent.”

There ARE so many stories…so many children. Whether born or unborn, there are thousands of children in need of loving, stable, Christ-centered homes. I feel honored…chosen…for such a precious task. We are being handed the opportunity to breath life over a child. How incredible! How inspiring and life changing. Ben’s right. We can’t possibly help them all…but we can certainly change the path for one…or two…or three.

For us, it was imperative that our first adoption come through a newborn. Our skills are too new, our emotions too raw to do otherwise. We’ve slowly opened the idea of adopting through foster case for growing our family further, in the years to come. The following story gripped my heart to assurance, as I read this introduction at the bookstore, over the weekend:

The dark spots on her legs told a story of abuse. The pattern of
discoloration on her skin confirmed she had been burned with a
cigarette lighter. Reports say she passed out from the pain. She
was dumped in a ditch, left to die.
She was three years old. Her name is Terri.
She’s my daughter.
To some people, Terri and others like her are considered bro-
ken. They were abandoned, abused, and traumatized at an early
age. When they’re older, they suffer from all kinds of behavior
problems. Most people see them as throwaways. Nobody wants
to adopt problem kids like these.
Nobody, that is, except people like us.
This is our story—the story of how God inspired Possum
Trot, Texas, to take on 72 of the toughest kids from the foster-care
system and adopt them as their own. It’s also the story of how
God has used our little community of three hundred folks to
spark the conscience of a nation.

Small Town, Big Miracle
Copyright © 2007 by W. C. Martin

Google the book or town for more information. It’s worth the read.

I am excited for motherhood and all that comes with. I am excited we are walking the path less chosen and that we are part of the solution and no longer ignoring the problem. I am excited for the voice God has passioned in me to bring change. I am excited that we get to shake heaven and earth to make a difference in the life of one…someday two…and maybe three…

“And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’” —MATTHEW25:40 (NKJV)

Day 94

Thank you for all the hugs and encouragment; I'm feeling good today! I'm going to trust God with the details and fall in step with His plan...you may need to remind me of this when the wait gets tough...In the meantime, I'm preparing my heart and home for little babyheart.

For all of my adoption pals (if you haven't already) order a subscription to Adoptive Families. I mean it. Right now. Go to http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/
It's only $24.95 for the year, and after reading my very first issue, I can say it is definitely worth it! I read the thing cover to cover and found every article but one (it was on 2 homosexual moms) helpful!

Check this out. Early Growth and Development Studies did a study that I found interesting and thought you would too! [359 birthmoms and & 114 birthfathers were polled]

When choosing a family to adopt their child, how important was it that...
94% There were educational opportunities for the child
93% They had a close marital relationship
91% They were financially secure
72% They had the type of family the birthmom/father always wanted
51% One of the adoptive parents would stay home with the child
41% They had a nice house
36% There were children in the neighborhood
34% The adoptive family was unable to have biological children
33% They had the type of family birthmom/father grew up in
32% They liked to do activities that birthmom/father would have liked to do
27% They had the same religious background as birthmom/father
17% They had physical characteristics that were similar to the birthmom/father
14% They had a playground or swing set

Our Agency recommend the magazine and said to keep every issue because it's a great resource for every step of the process. I agree! From book recommendations to suggestions on talking to your adopted teenager, the subject matter was fascinating and seemed to cover every topic--in one issue! Can't wait to read next month's!

Day 92

Today was the BIG day. It was actually slightly anticlimactic and it left me feeling more disappointed than anything else. Today, officially marked month 3 of the adoption process and it happened to be our final home study (case worker came out to inspect the house). I can’t believe that three months from today, we made the decision to adopt! The process has gone by fast…but at the same time it’s dragging on…In the grand scheme of things 3 months is quick, but when you’re in pursuit of a baby that you’ve waited 4 years for, it drags on and on and on.

Anyway, our C.W. was supposed to be at the house at 2pm and by 2:45pm we were getting irritated that she hadn’t showed up. I called the only phone number (other than her office #) that we had – she called to cancel/re-schedule an appointment on us a few weeks ago and Ben saved the number – and left a message. Turns out her Palm has had syncing issues and had moved all her appointments around. She had us down for next Saturday! Thankfully, she called us back and said she’d come as soon as she could. If we would have had to re-schedule I would have been reduced to a puddle of tears. We worked SO hard getting the house ready for today!

She finally showed up by 3:30pm and we were able to proceed. She was a little frazzled and definitely embarrassed by what happened. We sat and answered more absurd questions that no other parent has to answer, “How long do you plan on living here?”, “Tell me about the area’s diversity,” “Will you choose public or private schools?”, “While you work will someone be watching the baby in your home or their home?”, etc, etc. After the barrage of questions we gave the 25 cent tour and it was a wrap. Her only comments during the tour were in regards to how much she liked my wall colors—no safety inspection, critical questions, or white-glove treatment. What was I so afraid of?

We returned to the living room and talked about the final process. Here's where the disappointment came in. C.W. told us that she was finishing a case right now and that there was one more couple ahead of us that needed to be written before she could start ours. She said, "I hope to have yours completed by the end of August." WHAT!?!?! What happened to "a week or two after the final homestudy?" What's even more annoying is that when I asked her when we would receive our letter of approval she said, "Oh, you're approved. You won't receive a letter." So, let me get this straight...you've already approved us, but now we have to wait for you to get around to writing our study up? What's even more annoying is that I know she's been camping with her family most of the summer because we've had a hard time getting our appointments in around it. I know it's not her fault. She has a right to have a life and I'm sure she has lots of cases she's working on! It's just hard to sit around waiting with nothing to do! So, I'm disappointed that we most likely won't be on the waiting list by my birthday (8/19)...and we were told not to get discouraged if our profile isn't shown often the first couple of months, because sometimes it takes awhile. We were reminded at how subjective this process is and that there's no way to predict anything. We could be shown 8 times in the first month and then not shown again for 6...it just depends. All the unknown and all the waiting has me back to feeling like an emotional yo-yo. Wishing I could press that easy button again...

[sigh]. Ben reminded me to keep my chin up and not to let the disappointment ruin my day. I'm trying to not get caught up in the obstacles. I know that God has predestined our child and nothing on earth can change the course. It's comforting to know that roadblocks to me are notches on God's time line. It's all going according to plan. So...until I see the fruition, I'm going to continue working on the baby's room, pour my heart into Ben (unfortunately he's taken a backseat to baby the last few months), and enjoy the rest of my summer!

We went out for a celebratory dinner with family!

And Jason and Rachael went and picked up the ottoman to our chair!! Can't wait to see Ben with baby in that chair...

Day 88

The much anticipated, baby's room pictures! I know you've ALL been holding your breath... :) Please withhold all judgment, this room is no where near completion, but it's really looking great and I wanted to share it with you. I LOVE the furniture!!!!!

In real life the stripes are a little darker. There was sunlight streaming in the window and it gave them more of a hazy glow in the pictures! The tall shelf also has a back that I'm going to put back on. It used to be in our room and I liked the backless look.

Ottoman is still on it's way--the chair was discontinued so hunting down the matching footrest was chaotic (thanks, for finding it J!!!)

Apart from the stripes, the crib is my favorite part of the room. I always pictured myself with a hand-me-down or a thrift store/re-finished one...It's so beautiful and I love just looking at it! I love that OUR baby is going to sleep in it one day...I love that I put it together all by myself...I love that Melia (my sweet, precious niece #1) is sharing her mattress with us...I love that it resembles our bed...

It's the small things that make my heart smile.

(our bed)

All the fun fabrics that will one day be babyheart's quilt. I did add in a new fabric that isn't pictured...It's a black t-shirt with white sketchings of guitars all over it! Very Rock.

Have I mentioned how much I love my chair? (Thanks Rachie and Mom!!) I sneak in the room every chance I get. I don't really dream about baby [yet]...I usually think about how far I've come as a woman; a wife, how good it feels to have a heart full of joy, how much love is in my heart for someone I've never met and may not even be created yet, how thankful I am for the path that has led me to this place. All this from one chair...


I had to trade in my dream of a glam chandelier. All the black ones I found were either way too much money, didn't have enough watts to light up the room, or were meant to be plugged in--not dangle from the ceiling. I was pretty bummed out about it, but settled on a more modern fixture that has a cool copper/antique finish to it. Not only did I install the light tonight, but I also put my electrician hat on and installed a dimmer! After a phone call to dad and a trip to Home Depot I had that baby up and running in no time. Seriously...does babyheart know my love?

(Said Dimmer)

This room has truly been a labor of love...and a long time coming! I know I'm not winning an Oscar (and the room isn't even done, for goodness sakes), but I have to give some love to all those that contributed....First and foremost I want to thank Jesus Christ, My Lord....oh wait! I said this WASN'T an Oscar speech [smile]...I DO want to thank Ben for putting up with my neurotic behavior and giving me full say in decor, with little opinion...Rachael for your inspiration, encouragement and the best rocker ever made! Queen Mum, none of this would be possible without you...G-girl for spending two boring weekends helping me tape and paint...Meeghan, Laura, and Rach for helping me pull the stripes off, Melia for sharing her mattress, Chris for power-washing the deck (definitely going to make baby come faster!), Meeg for making me dinners, washing the blinds, shampooing the carpet, and goo-gone-ing all the paint stains (truly the most UN-glam jobs)...and all of YOU for encouraging me daily, offering friendship, and giving me hope amidst the pain.

You have all made me one happy mama...

Day 85

Moo La La meets ROCKstar baby's room is coming together!

My husband secretly wishes HE was a rockstar and has had fun helping with the design elements. My little art studio is up and running; the above pic is one of 4 art pieces that will be hung in baby's room. I found 12x12 canvas squares at JoAnne's for $5 each, printed out online images that I wanted to use...and a few hours later voila! I'm not an artist by any means, but if you go slow enough you can pretty much replicate anything (thanks to some handy quilting rulers I had!!) I might funk it up a little more with some striped ribbon along the edges (thanks for the idea G!!) It should all look pretty cool, when I'm done.

I had grandiose plans of setting up baby furniture, this weekend, but it hasn't come in, yet [sigh]. Instead, my little sister, and I, worked on cutting profile pictures. I decided that simply gluing the pictures on the profiles was not cool enough, so we jazzed the pictures up with paper borders. Little did I know just how involved this project was going to be! Cutting and gluing paper for 300 pictures is no easy task, but in the long-run it will be worth it! I would pretty much do anything for little babyheart. Somewhere in my mind, every perfected detail will help speed the process. I guess we'll just have to wait and see...




















Thanks Gabrielle, for the help!! Here's the final product (well, one of them. They all look different):Not only did my sister help me knockout projects this weekend...she also gave me this...[Laura, feast your eyes on this bad boy!]
She was packing her bags and I saw it casually laying on top (empty, mind you. she was carrying a D&G). I asked her just how many Coach purses she owns and she smiled sheepishly. Then said, "do you want it?" Umm...let me think..."Yeah!" Apparently, her ex-boyfriend's mom bought it for her a few months ago. I now feel like a true club member. My mom bought me my first ever Coach for Christmas and I'm afraid I'm now hooked...

Day 83

We received our profile proof in the mail yesterday! Which was perfect, because calling the agency, this weekend, was on my to-do list. I was informed the proof would take 2 weeks to arrive and once we approved it, another 2 weeks to print. Today, was going to be the 18th day mark (not that I've been counting) and was thrilled to find it amidst the bills last night! I only found one quotation mark error which my critical grammatical eye could not let go.

I am stunned at how quick this process has been. I started cutting the photos that will later be glued on to all 50 profiles! It's surreal to think that the very profile I've spent hours of time on will be the same one that connects us with baby. The end product looks great; I'm really happy with it!

We only have a couple more responsibilities until the official wait begins! Our final home study visit is on Sunday, July 27th, at 2:30pm (at our house). We'll have to glue all the pics on the profiles, send the finished profiles to the agency, and wait for the final certification/approval. I'm hoping all will come together by August 19th (my birthday). I want to feel officially paper-pregnant on my favorite day of the whole year! :0)