Day 399

You probably don't remember the words I wrote on Day 218...but I do. They've been haunting.

Every time I write the journal entry day I hope and pray that I never get to Day 400...the number holds no significance beyond the fact that I can't imagine holding out that long...But I suppose if you asked me on day 6, how I would feel on Day 218, I wouldn't have been able to imagine it either...

Tomorrow is Day 400. I can't believe we've made it this far. I got this little pamphlet in the mail, "Hope for the Journey" when I applied for the Shaohannah's Hope grant [still haven't heard]. I was cleaning some stuff out and found it. I rifled through it before tossing it in the trash, and a sentence caught my eye..."Prepare for this to be harder than you imagined." I'm not sure how you do that...but we sure weren't prepared. This has definitely been harder than I ever could have imagined.

It may be Day 399, but I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe our agency!). We're getting so close... We leave in 13 days and baby boy will be born in 18. Wow.

The birth father was served [that sounds so harsh to me] and has been in correspondence with the agency. His reaction to the adoption was surprising...but I'm encouraged. His now girlfriend told him she would stand by him no matter what he decided, but he said he wasn't prepared to take care of a newborn. He signed the papers, but didn't want to mail them until he first talked to Rebekah, to make sure this is really what she wanted, and he wants to talk to us.

Rebekah talked to him last night and he was cordial. He asked if she knew anything about us (which made both of us laugh....she knows everything about us.) He also inquired about receiving pictures and updates. Apparently, we have a phone conference with him and the agency tomorrow (We have yet to hear about said conference - gotta love this agency!)

Talking to him will be awkward for sure, but I want what's best for our son. I think about it constantly. One day he's going to ask about his birth father (I don't think we'll get as many questions about Rebekah because of our relationship) and I want to be able to tell him that his birth father wanted what was best for him. That he talked/met us and talked things over with Rebekah. I think it's great that he wants pictures and I'm happy to send them, for as long as he wants. It shows that he cares. We haven't seen any indication of that, yet, and I know it's going to mean a lot to baby boy. What a harsh reality it would be to know that your father signed over his rights without ever asking a single question...

I have had a lot of people question my lack of worry. People just don't seem to understand that I feel no threat from Rebekah or our relationship...or the emerging feelings from the birth father. I know God is in control. I also know this is our son. I am 100% sure that we'll be bringing this baby boy home - no doubts attached. When God speaks, he doesn't take back words. He has spoken to my heart and Rebekah and I both are in complete peace. God is weaving our families together and I love her family as if they were my own.

We meet again in a couple of weeks, some for the first time. It will not only be a celebration of new life; it will be a celebration of a new family. I don't know all that God is doing...but I have some ideas. Our story does not end on June 18th...and I hope you'll continue to follow it. This is only the beginning, as God's incredible grace and redemption start to seep through the seams of our story and lives.

Stay tuned...