Friday, November 21, 2008

Day 207

Have you ever been so anxious that you thought your heart would literally explode from your chest? This is only my second time. Once, when we first married I rushed to the doctor's for fear I was having a heart attack. Turns out it was all stress-related [I don't even remember the cause]. And once today.

I woke up this morning with lungs so pierced I thought I was getting sick. My heart started racing as soon as I sat down at work and I knew. I was so anxious I could hardly breathe. I didn't want to feel that way, but I couldn't help it.

There are so many things going on in my life right now I don't even know how to summarize the anxiety. For once, it has nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with reeling responsibilities that I just can't get a hold of. Anxiety has me gripped, but after a timeout with Ben my nerves calmed and we found solace in an old friend...SCRABBLE.

And since we are highlighting things I am thankful for this month, I am thankful for such a simple wooden game that brings me such contentment...especially when I win [In case you're keeping score, tonight was the 3rd win in a row!]

It was a great way to spend a cold, snowy night with my Ben...Now if I can just bet a hold on the racing heart, I'll be all set!


  1. So sorry to hear about your anxiety, I've had friends go through it and it can be self-perpetuating when you feel anxious about having another anxiety attack, so breaking that cycle with Ben is great. I admire that you guys can play that because J and I have a hard time playing those types of games. He ALWAYS wins and then I take it personally because I'm an English teacher and he's an engineer and not supposed to know words. Drat. :) Congrats on your win :)

  2. Let me guess which words were Ben's


    I really can't talk. Melia, has a better vocabulary and can probably spell better than I can.

  3. I know the feeling. Bob and I landed in the emergency room last spring. It was when we were still trying and the anxiety had gotten to him. We were both stunned, and of course, relieved, when it turned out to be a panic attack. It's amazing what stress can do to the body.

  4. Oh my goodness, panic attacks are absolutely the worst. They truly are. I have had a few and I normally consider myself a fairly grounded, in CONTROL it never ceases to amaze me when my anxiety begins to control me. Ugh, it just feels terrible and is scary. I hope you are feeling better....