Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Bringing Home Baby

The last three weeks have done a number on my heart.

Processing and preparing for a new addition with only a few weeks notice, while most get several months, is an interesting experience. I am a lover by nature, so finding love for Baby Brother isn't what keeps me up at night. It's the freakish everything-must-have-a-plan-and-purpose-and be color coordinated when possible part of my nature that can't rest until everything is in order. Some think such coordination goes to the wind when you are raising your own basketball team. I beg to differ. It's worse.

From new crib to new vehicle, there were so many things to do. Within a week of making the decision, however, support flooded our doorstep and filled our nursery with every necessary item that I had sold two weeks prior. I am always stunned by the generosity of others and have learned to honestly answer messages like, "Tell me what you need and I will order it, now."

Of the five (babies), I had the most advanced notice with Tyrus. Rebekah asked us to adopt him when she was four months pregnant and if you were reading in those early days you'll remember, my nursery was ready six months prior. The rocker my sister bought had miles of praying before he ever arrived.

Today, when I think back on those intimate memories, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness.

Back then, the ache for children was so great it nearly crushed my spirit. But the perseverance sharpened character that followed that season of drought was a reward that I will treasure forever - because I can trust God in all things.

The same rocker that held my secret thoughts for months, listened to me read countless stories to Ty and helped me find rhythm when LJ needed to be swaddled like a baby so that trust could melt his trauma.

Cisco and Missy did their best to bypass my chair, as Cisco struggled with intimacy and Little Miss screamed for three months straight, preferring to work it out on her own. Over the last 18 months, however, I've watched these siblings push through the curses of the enemy, and just this summer I often found them reading books together in the same chair they avoided early on.

Moving this memory soaked rocker into Baby Brother's nursery was deeply meaningful and I praised God for his rescue, once again. My body won't make babies, yet, miraculously, baby number five is on his way.

I know it's part of the journey, but I wish I could go back.

I wish I could encourage my former self to push on and stop giving up. I wish I didn't need a picture of my own unfaithfulness to prove God's.

I would sleep more.

Date Ben more.

And hunker in hope during the season of wait.

I hate when people say everything happens for a reason. It's not biblical. Plenty of unreasonable things happen that God's not part of.

Yet, I praise God, that he redeems all things - people, events, situations. He redeemed my life and Ben's life, and all the lives of our five little people.

We're kind of a raggedy group, over here, with mismatched stories, each one filled with its own kind of heartache. Yet, none of us were so gnarly that God chose to overlook us or breath life elsewhere.

Each day closer to welcoming Baby Brother home, I am overwhelmed by this reality. Our Father loves Ty so much that he esteemed him to be firstborn and set him in a place of leadership over his tribe of siblings.

God loves LJ and Cisco and Missy and Baby so much that he, literally, ripped them from the enemy's grasp and declared a new name over each of them.

And every time he asks, "How about now...will you say yes to this one?" he redeems my barrenness and pours love into deep, hidden cracks of my heart that I didn't know needed attention.

His love is easy and available and it's paving the unknown path before me.

I am ready to bring home my baby.









19 comments:

  1. Ah - tears sting my eyes and a lump in my throat as I read this words. You may remember me emailing you a few months ago - we are now only 4 weeks away from baby 2 coming home, and I'm feeling like God is definitely redeeming infertility and "our love into deep hidden cracks of my heart that I didn't know needed attention." What a sweet, sweet, time. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Michelle,
      I am thrilled to hear this. I can hear God singing over you, now.

      Delete
  2. Love reading this and will be praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I cry tears of happiness for you and your family when I read this post! God's love and his greatness is evident in the forming of your family.

    When people say those words, "Everything happens for a reason", my skin crawls, but I've never had a good response. Thanks to you, I now have a great one.

    Can't wait to hear all about the adventures of the Pinchback family of seven!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bless you and your amazing family. Baby #5 is so lucky to be a part of your basketball team. He will be loved and cherised beyond measure! Prayers for a smoothish transition to a party of seven!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sweet words for my waiting heart. Thank you. I have said yes to the Lord and now I wait with great expectation. She is coming.
    ss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The first wait is the hardest. My heart was turbulent at best. Keep pushing through and never give up.

      Delete
  6. This made me cry. You have a beautiful family and I am so happy for your new addition.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've been reading since Ty. God is good and these five babies are right where they need to be. In your loving arms. So happy for you and your family. Best to you always!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beautiful post. I'm so happy for you guys.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is special! Praying that God will continue to show you His will and take each step with you. I know He will and am praying that you will feel Him very close. So many things in our lives we would like to go back and go through with more joy but the important thing is you have allowed Him to work in your heart! Those struggles were real and our Father knows .

    ReplyDelete
  10. When will baby be home? You are doing God's work! With five myself (3 bio and two special needs foster/adopt soon), I often say I will obey the Lord and rest when I get to heaven!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh sweet rest....there is never enough of it :)

      I think Baby Brother will be home in early October. It could have happened sooner, but I really wanted to get the kids settled into school first before we threw another major life change at them!

      Delete
  11. So happy for your beautiful family. I've been reading since Ty. Best to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I really needed to read the part: "I hate when people say everything happens for a reason. It's not biblical. Plenty of unreasonable things happen that God's not part of." I struggle with my faith because I don't believe all things happen for a reason. This gave me some comfort. Thank you.

    I've been reading from the beginning. I don't comment. But I'm sending my love to your Raggedy Group. What wonderful place to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Krystn,
      Thank you for reading. The truest, richest faith is birthed from struggle. Don't stop asking questions.

      Delete
  13. Rebekah, I've been reading your blog for a long time now and you are an instrument in God's work each and every day. We all are, if only we let Him. Sometimes I don't let him. Your life experiences inspire me to believe more.
    I don't live in MI (but I did my undergrad there), but if I was in driving distance, I would soooo love to watch your kids one afternoon, or morning or evening to give you and Ben some alone time. I know you're a team in raising your family, but every team needs a recharge!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen to that! Recharge time was the hardest transition from two to four. Not too many people are up to the task. Five makes it even harder! We try to remind ourselves that this time will be over in a blink and there will be PLENTY of dating time around the corner :).

      Delete
  14. I know I have commented these words before but they bear repeating - your story and how you tell it calm me in a way that surprises me each time. You and Ben and your five little people are beautiful.

    ReplyDelete