tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post7121354267731388715..comments2024-01-02T19:39:27.832-05:00Comments on Heart Cries: Secret ThoughtsRebekahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920816691217676013noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-22881582711935609492012-03-29T07:28:11.312-04:002012-03-29T07:28:11.312-04:00It's Thursday morning!!!! LJ comes home today...It's Thursday morning!!!! LJ comes home today and Ty, you never have to take him back! Welcome home, Little Boy! <br /><br />Praying for your Rebekah and Ben<br /><br />Kim MAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-42693886659173104752012-03-29T00:28:00.294-04:002012-03-29T00:28:00.294-04:00You guys will get there. It will take longer than ...You guys will get there. It will take longer than you expect. It will take more courage than you think you have. You will see a child grieve in ways you wished you had never seen because once you see it, it is imprinted on your heart forever. But LJ will get there. You will all get there. LJ will heal and you will become a cohesive family of 4.<br /><br />When I adopted my son at 6 months, I was his 5th home in the past 2 months. Someone might as well have stamped a big ol' red "attachment disorder poster child" stamp on his forehead. I started out feeling calm, saying to myself that since I knew what the problem was, we would get through it. Then after some time the panic set in. He was clearly more damaged than I or anyone else had ever imagined. I rode out the roller coaster for two years before I could finally say he was securely attached. And a roller coaster it is. Just when you think you have made it over a hurdle, it slaps you right back in the face. But remember there are a lot of good times in between there too. Times when you will look at him and know with absolute certainty that you made the right decision. <br /><br />My son at age 3 is doing very well but those abandonment issues still come up from time to time. But he is also a happy and healthy little boy and he has every chance of growing up to be a happy and healthy adult. LJ will get there too. <br /><br />BTW - those looks from strangers - get used to them. People will stare because you are now a transracial family. They will stare because he is having a meltdown. They will stare just because they think they can. And they will never understand nor is it your job to make them understand. Your sole responsibility is to your family.<br /><br />Best attachment book I ever read was Deborah Gray's Attaching in Adoption. I highly, highly recommend it. Most attachment books just talk about why a kid has attachment issues. Duh. We all know why. The question is always what to do about them. This is a good book for that.<br /><br />When you get frustrated (and you will), when you get scared (and you will) and when you feel at a loss (and you will), feel free to e-mail me kaleymeister @ yahoo.com or call me at 920-918-3313.<br /><br />Good luck and God's Blessings! Keep using your supports from people who have been there and done that. They will make all the difference!<br /><br />TammyTammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06021169041622431205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-53062754092256082202012-03-28T22:58:26.944-04:002012-03-28T22:58:26.944-04:00Thank you for sharing your secret thoughts and fea...Thank you for sharing your secret thoughts and fears! You are strong through Him! My heart t ore in two when reading about him whimpering for his momma. So so so hard! I can't even imagine how hard that is for you. Again, thank you for sharing. We're here and we're rooting for you all!Joy@WDDCHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709113785857792361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-44578103563877982642012-03-28T14:55:43.470-04:002012-03-28T14:55:43.470-04:00I have caught up on your last several posts with t...I have caught up on your last several posts with tears streaming down my face. I'm so happy for your beautiful family and pray that the transitions, bonding, attachment goes smoothly and as painlessly as possible. You are exactly what little boy needs and I'm so excited to read more about your new little family.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00811881680852069678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-62395288457378793502012-03-28T08:51:44.705-04:002012-03-28T08:51:44.705-04:00Stopping by to let you know I am praying for your ...Stopping by to let you know I am praying for your expanding family! Can't help but think how blessed Ty and LJ are to have you and Ben as parents and how blessed you and Ben are to have your two boys! <br /><br />Stay strong, listen to your heart and remember we're out here praying for all of you!<br /><br />Praying from Waterford,<br />Kim MAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-51932216006836543132012-03-27T20:05:10.439-04:002012-03-27T20:05:10.439-04:00I have been reading your blog for a couple years a...I have been reading your blog for a couple years and I have no doubts that you are going to make it through this. But I think this comment stood out the most..."it's disapproving looks toward LJ from people who just don't understand." This scares me and makes me cry. What is WRONG with people? I see so much racism in our society today and I pray that LJ will not have to face this all the time as he grows up. <br /><br />ElisabethAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-57609380181881169252012-03-27T19:03:06.031-04:002012-03-27T19:03:06.031-04:00Just love this blog,, love your openness, your raw...Just love this blog,, love your openness, your rawness, your willingness to be "lectured" by others. I love the wisdom and overwhelming love for Jesus that you share with the world. I am praying with you guys. My heart melts with compassion for your family. blessings.<br /><br />cindieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-28053127152483342182012-03-27T16:29:44.811-04:002012-03-27T16:29:44.811-04:00oh i wish i lived closer so that i could come over...oh i wish i lived closer so that i could come over to make you some tea..to listen... to pray with you... i know how difficult it is...i know the silent questions... i also know that the Know-er will answer each one of them on exactly the right time... in the meantime... i'm praying for you...for the mama heart...and the new little brother..that God may soften his heart... that he can sit on your lap and experience the love God has for him in abundance... xxLynne malanhttp://www.mangasaurus.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-24668113267467959862012-03-26T21:57:45.122-04:002012-03-26T21:57:45.122-04:00Oh, sweet, young mama! In reading the above respo...Oh, sweet, young mama! In reading the above responses to your post you have plenty of great advice and wisdom. Remember what God told you way back when HE made it clear to you that foster adoption was HIS plan for your family? The quote “Don’t Doubt in the Dark What God Told You in the Light” seems to apply here. :)<br />I am a birth grandmother so my story is very different but I do want to echo what was said in one of the earlier responses. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child (who happens to be my daughter who is a birthmother), I was scared to death that I would not be able to love this child as fiercely as I loved my first. My husband and I were so sad about the one on one time we would be losing as another child joined our family. I can tell you that there is enough love to go around!! I know your situation is different and loving LJ may be a choice for a time but there is not a doubt in my mind that God will give you more love than you can even imagine for this child.<br /> I can also tell you that God is writing your story, Ben's story, Ty's story and LJ's story and because He is faithful, your story is going to be beautiful. Also remember that Ty gets a brother and think of ALL THAT HE IS GETTING. It's difficult to see our children hurting and even more difficult to think that we might be bringing that hurt and confusion into their world. The most important thing to remember is that you are living out faith and obedience and in doing so you are giving Ty the most amazing gift for his future!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-42953043774823125062012-03-26T20:16:28.795-04:002012-03-26T20:16:28.795-04:00My daughter came to me at three. We were the 5th f...My daughter came to me at three. We were the 5th family she lived with. There were moments I questioned my ability to be her mother. There were moments I locked myself in the bathroom to cry out to God, "Why did u call me, how can I bond with a child when my own mother/daughter relationship with my mom is broken, why me?" That is the honest truth! There were moments I hoped we didn't make a mistake. I can tell you though with time, patience, grave and most of all love it gets better and easier. It's been 7 yrs and I wouldn't do anything different other than be more open with how I was feeling to my friends who would have listened had I given them a chance. It gets better, keep looking up and know God has it already worked out. :)Krisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00014119520544602617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-13233524296602417552012-03-26T19:58:08.553-04:002012-03-26T19:58:08.553-04:00Thank you for today's post. The boys have bee...Thank you for today's post. The boys have been with me 2 months. They are only foster babies, and yet I feel the guilt of not feeling the same for them as I do the one's I have known from their very first moments, but I love them so much more this week than I did 8 weeks ago. <br /><br />Read all of the good books, and take all of the good advice you can, and when all of that fails you in your child's moment of testing, and raging grief, just fall to your knees. I do. Someday my foster boys may say, "Remember that foster mom who would just start praying like crazy right in front of us?!" Even if they leave me I hope they remember those moments, and forget my worst ones. Praying for you!Mandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08150974390816228978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-65105410237105461582012-03-26T19:49:42.289-04:002012-03-26T19:49:42.289-04:00I love this post. I love it so much, mostly becau...I love this post. I love it so much, mostly because there are nights when I wonder if an adoption will ever happen for us. The doubts creep in with the darkness. I know you can do it, and I know we are all rooting for you. This time next year things will be so much different and you will wonder what family was like without him.Sissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05831098254614285216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-65937905405978997912012-03-26T19:14:16.238-04:002012-03-26T19:14:16.238-04:00Oh girl, I know, I know, I KNOW! I remember too c...Oh girl, I know, I know, I KNOW! I remember too clearly watching my son rub his forehead raw into the carpet and being unable to console him. He was 2 and a half and so angry with me for taking him from what he knew. I wondered more than once if this was for me...it wasn't what I thought or dreamed or hoped it would be. I cried to God to lift my little man up and let him know how loved he is. <br /><br />What would we do without Jesus? Without knowing that there is a Knower who was with him while I couldn't be, I would have crumbled to the floor.<br /><br />When the road seems tough and too hard to bear, remember that it does get better. <br /><br />Prayers of joy and strength are being said for you!Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02116344019893896953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-85241215868936501422012-03-26T14:45:39.899-04:002012-03-26T14:45:39.899-04:00Lizzy has been with us for two years, and as we fi...Lizzy has been with us for two years, and as we fill out all the paperwork that you guys are too, I still have a lot of same emotions you do. This is not easy.<br /><br />There are two things that I focus on when I start to question all of this.<br /><br />1. Lizzy deserves the same chance in life that my other kids have. LJ deserves to have an awesome set of parents like Ty has. Ones that will love him, stand up for him and teach him how to be a good person.<br /><br /><br />2. Lizzy deserves to be in a family that will teach her about God. She deserves a Mom that will pray that she will grow up and love God more than anything else. She needs the chance to come to know Him as her savior just like the rest of us do. <br /><br /><br />Knowing that I grew up with all that and that my kids are growing up with all that has made me very aware that I have been give MUCH and much is required of me. <br /><br />I know that you are committed to this gorgeous little boy, hurts and all. I am so thrilled he has you. Sometimes we really have to let tomorrow worry about itself and just focus on today. Keep fighting for this little boy, you are the only one who will fight for him like YOU will.MamaFosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16347829013467691443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-42571206020403659762012-03-26T14:38:26.827-04:002012-03-26T14:38:26.827-04:00I'm standing with you and praying for all of y...I'm standing with you and praying for all of you.Nancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15163662759281341381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-55195336997279440992012-03-26T14:17:32.722-04:002012-03-26T14:17:32.722-04:00love your honesty and your FAITH! prayers beings ...love your honesty and your FAITH! prayers beings said for your little family.<br />kimberlykimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08958903433838099896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-12004534683219714252012-03-26T14:01:10.653-04:002012-03-26T14:01:10.653-04:00A christian mama from the south joing you in praye...A christian mama from the south joing you in prayer.<br />MindyEMINDYEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09015524787701121607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-2164653106419740932012-03-26T13:47:21.207-04:002012-03-26T13:47:21.207-04:00I think that everything you are expressing is norm...I think that everything you are expressing is normal. I would think something was wrong if you didnt ponder these things. It will be a HUGE adjustment. But...WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE:). Im sure there will be challenges. God will give your new family everything you all need. Prayers!! Mollie (Ohio)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-55027818541816373782012-03-26T13:35:51.341-04:002012-03-26T13:35:51.341-04:00Once LJ is around your family and feels the abunda...Once LJ is around your family and feels the abundance of LOVE and security, he will learn to trust you, Ben and Ty and become part of the family. He will embrace it too. <br /><br />I feel for LJ. The hardships he's had to endure to get to today! That is no small task. God will guide you. You will all be fine. Give it time. <br /><br />Blessings to all of you.glendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01542197885599674975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-36815357510405760102012-03-26T12:10:21.110-04:002012-03-26T12:10:21.110-04:00I have been following your story for a long time. ...I have been following your story for a long time. As I read your most recent blogs, your genuine and honest processing is beautiful to read, and so easy to connect to as I hear my own inner voice and fears about this process for our family. I keep hearing God's promise for you running through my mind, that He is making EVERYTHING new (Rev 21:5) I pray that you can begin to see his newness in your family in small ways daily. BlessingsChrissiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15615220571295789613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-66244811008263642992012-03-26T12:05:03.376-04:002012-03-26T12:05:03.376-04:00Thinking and praying for your family as you go thr...Thinking and praying for your family as you go through this transition. When I adopted my daughter from foster care at 8 --I had MANY times I wondered what I was doing and why and if I was strong enough for this. Her heart was hurt and her soul crushed. It took so many tears to get where we needed to be; and it got worse before it got better! We went through months of "testing" where she acted horrible just to see if I was going to send her back. 15 years later, I never regret those choices but it was a very hard road.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07267511010735381741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-2601146805581344412012-03-26T11:31:03.874-04:002012-03-26T11:31:03.874-04:00Thank you for giving us a peak into your life of w...Thank you for giving us a peak into your life of walking in sacrificial Love and obedient Faith. You and your husband are certainly courageous! Psalm 26:12 says:<br />My feet stand on level ground:in the great assembly I will praise the Lord.<br />This is what I will pray for all 4 of you, especially LJ. One day he will say this!Julie Simshttp://bridgecrosser.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-73761129179983277052012-03-26T11:06:43.473-04:002012-03-26T11:06:43.473-04:00Oh, Rebekah. So many of your fears and worries ar...Oh, Rebekah. So many of your fears and worries are similar to those of every parent adding a second child. I hope you can connect to some of that "normal" anxiety that every new (again ) parent has. This is not to say that LJ doesn't also bring a different story - I am all too aware of his journey given my many years working as a therapist for kids just like him. If anyone is up for what he will need, it is you. He needs someone to love him, unconditionally, forever and ever. If you can give him that, the rest will come. I am honored to read about your story as it unfolds!Faithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03064955747540959696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-17451785758489762912012-03-26T10:03:44.584-04:002012-03-26T10:03:44.584-04:00I love your honesty! Parenting a "hurt"...I love your honesty! Parenting a "hurt" child is hard. (If you haven't already, I highly recommend checking out Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes.) It's hard knowing you love a child, but not feeling it yet. It's often hard to deal with negative behaviors, but it's harder when the bond is not yet there. The bond WILL come. The feeling of love WILL come. I love how you place your faith and trust in the Lord. He WILL NOT fail you. It may not be an easy path, but He will carry you.Charhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13406064133884560608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7712476185050900324.post-29172144309234472612012-03-26T10:02:53.856-04:002012-03-26T10:02:53.856-04:00Seems like you had a very full weekend, from readi...Seems like you had a very full weekend, from reading your latest updates. I can't even imagine all of the emotions that are present now, for all of you bonding now as a family of four. <br /><br />I know that you already know this...but LJ has so many reasons to cry. To burst into tears without any obvious provoking. Your response to just hold him while he cried, was perfect. And, the fact that he cried and didn't hold it in...allowed him to process his feelings. I can't even imagine what he has been through. <br /><br />You're going to be going through a lot of changes...but God has His hand on all of you. What I keep thinking about when you come to mind (which is so often lately!) is when you posted a picture of LJ's eyes...for the very first time. You KNEW he was your son. And, God knows that you are the perfect mother and Ben is the perfect father and Ty is the perfect brother, for LJ. <br /><br />Meanwhile, if I were you, I'd invest in some serious chocolate and having a drawer/cupboard specifically designated for it.Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03574520281119898584noreply@blogger.com